Janet L. Goehle, Attorney at LawSt. Paul Divorce & Family Law Lawyer | Minneapolis Child Custody & Support Lawyer | Ramsey County Property Division2024-01-19T18:06:24Zhttps://www.goehlelaw.com/feed/atom/WordPress/wp-content/uploads/sites/1602078/2020/11/cropped-Janet-Goehle_favicon-32x32.jpgOn Behalf of Janet L. Goehle, Attorney at Lawhttps://www.goehlelaw.com/?p=478122024-01-19T18:06:24Z2024-01-19T18:06:24ZMediation keeps everything private
The public nature of divorce proceedings can create numerous issues for families with children. The children may sometimes attend hearings, and they may even need to give input regarding their personal preferences on custody matters. Additionally, they might eventually request records from the court case that could expose details about their parents' personal lives they never knew before.
Parents may feel like they need to shy away from the truth for their children during litigation, but that isn't necessary during mediation. Minnesota law makes mediation a confidential process. Whatever people share in mediation remains private and is not part of the public record the way that court testimony would be.
Mediation can reduce overall conflict
Parents waiting months to talk about property division or custody in family court may have intense emotions that they occasionally need to vent. Those feelings might boil over at unpredictable moments during custody exchanges or special events for the children. When parents know that mediation is imminent and that they have an opportunity to advocate for themselves, they may have an easier time controlling their emotions and limiting how much conflict the children witness.
Mediation requires communication and compromise
Divorcing Minnesota spouses sometimes employ scorched earth strategies that cause irreparable damage to their relationships. If they share children with each other, this approach can be particularly problematic. Couples mediating divorce matters have to work with one another. They need to find ways to communicate in a healthy and productive manner. The goal of the process is to reach a settlement, which is likely a compromise for both spouses. The process of mediation can therefore help people learn how to interact with one another in a healthy manner again after the personal challenges that led to their divorce.
Mediation can potentially take a lot of the stress off of the parents in a family and shield the children from the worst aspects of a contested divorce. As such, attempting divorce mediation could be beneficial for those worried about how divorce may impact their children.]]>On Behalf of Janet L. Goehle, Attorney at Lawhttps://www.goehlelaw.com/?p=478112023-10-13T18:48:29Z2023-10-13T18:48:29Z#1. Check the plan
Parents often put together a parenting plan as part of the divorce process. The plan addresses education and medical decisions as well as custody. The plan often breaks down how parents split time during major holidays.
As such, it is a good idea to start by checking the parenting plan or custody arrangement to see if it addresses Halloween.
#2. Check the day
Check the parent time calendar if the plan does not specifically address Halloween. Parenting plans often break down which parent has time with the child on specific days. Parents may split time by having the children every other week; the children may be with one parent during the week and alternate time with each parent during weekends, or families may have developed another arrangement. If the plan does not specifically address Halloween, the parent who is scheduled to have time with the child on the day Halloween falls may have the child for the holiday.
Of course, there are often nuances to these arrangements. If parents cannot agree, legal counsel can provide further guidance.]]>On Behalf of Janet L. Goehle, Attorney at Lawhttps://www.goehlelaw.com/?p=478102023-07-25T01:13:43Z2023-07-25T01:13:43ZDivorce can be a stabilizing factor
While it might seem the opposite would be true, divorce can be a stabilizing factor in children’s lives since it can create calmer spaces for the children to live in. If the parents were constantly at odds and arguing, the children might become worried and fearful about the future. This would have threatened their emotional stability as they were left wondering what would happen to their family and to them. With their parents no longer arguing, this environment would change.
Children can benefit from a positive co-parenting relationship
Divorce would also allow both parents to co-parent healthily and positively, showing their children their commitment to their family and the children’s safety and growth. The end of the marriage allows parents to move past the issues that made their romantic relationship struggle and to focus solely on what they do have in common, which is their love and concern for their children. Some of the positive benefits for children of a healthy co-parenting relationship include:
Witnessing an amicable relationship between their parents
Finding assurance that the children remain their parents’ priority
Trusting that the parents are committed to providing safe, stable homes for their children
Knowing that both parents are there to continue loving and supporting them
Ultimately, even if the parents’ romantic relationship fails, they will usually remain involved in each other’s lives through their children. Choosing to end their romantic relationship through divorce and focusing instead on their relationship as co-parents can benefit their children both in the short-term and through the future, as they grow into well-adjusted, happy adults.]]>On Behalf of Janet L. Goehle, Attorney at Lawhttps://www.goehlelaw.com/?p=478062023-04-27T16:57:22Z2023-04-27T16:57:22ZStart with your child's activities
Ask your child what they want to do over the summer. Maybe they want to try a sport, go on vacation in another state or attend a concert. Schedule these activities onto the calendar, then discuss with your spouse if there's an activity that they would like to be present for. Both of you might want to attend games if your child is part of sports. You may both want to take your child on a family vacation.
Plan vacations
Taking time off of work on short notice isn't always easy. Thus, you might find it best to schedule your family vacations before summer begins. This will ensure you can enjoy a fun summer outing with your kids.
Other special events
Remember that Father's Day may occur during your child's summer break, so you might adjust your custody schedule to allow them to spend quality time together. Take a look at birthdays and other special events over the summer to ensure that you allot time for your child to celebrate.
Following the existing schedule
Most parents follow the existing schedule to avoid disrupting their children's routines. Parents will frequently designate two to three weeks for each parent to do something special.
Entire summer with a faraway parent
If one parent lives too far away for your child to regularly see them during the school year, then the typical summer custody schedule allows them to spend the season with them. This allows proper time for them to nurture bonds with their child.
Alternating weeks
For parents who live close together, they may choose to transfer custody every two weeks over the summer. Some choose a weekly schedule.
Planning is the key to creating a summer vacation custody schedule that everyone is happy with. This helps prevent conflicts because each parent can take time off of work when they want to.]]>On Behalf of Janet L. Goehle, Attorney at Lawhttps://www.goehlelaw.com/?p=478052023-01-27T19:21:21Z2023-01-27T19:21:21ZCommunicate with the other parent
It's important to have open and honest communication with the other parent about the situation. This can be difficult, but it's important to address the issue head-on. Explain how the behavior is affecting the children and how it's impacting your relationship as co-parents.
Set boundaries
When co-parenting with a parent who plays favorites, it's important to set boundaries to protect yourself and your children. This may include limiting the time your children spend with the other parent or setting rules for how the other parent interacts with the children.
Focus on the children
Despite the challenges of parenting with an ex-spouse who plays favorites, it's important to remember that the children come first. Focus on what's best for them and work to maintain a healthy and positive relationship.
Seek support
Co-parenting with a parent who plays favorites can be emotionally draining. Seek support from friends, family or a therapist to help you cope with the situation.
Document everything
Keeping a record of what is happening, including any specific incidents, can be very helpful if legal action is necessary. This documentation can also be beneficial when communicating with the other parent or in court.
Consider legal action
If the other parent's behavior is severe or causes harm to the children, it may be necessary to seek legal action or help from law enforcement in extreme cases.
Dealing with co-parenting challenges
It's important to remember that co-parenting with a parent who plays favorites can be difficult, but it's not impossible. By setting boundaries, communicating with the other parent and focusing on the children, you can navigate the situation and work towards a more positive co-parenting relationship.]]>On Behalf of Janet L. Goehle, Attorney at Lawhttps://www.goehlelaw.com/?p=478022022-10-25T15:33:33Z2022-10-25T15:33:33ZConsider out-of-court alternatives for divorce
When couples decide to go to court, that only means that they have a contentious split. In other words, they can't work out their issues by themselves, and so they have to battle it out before a judge. The only problem with this process is that there's going to be a "winner" and a "loser." And this may not be good for your child.
A child-centered divorce requires parents to sit down together and make decisions while putting their child's best interest first. This may require comprising, setting aside the need to punish your spouse and taking the high road. A process like collaborative law or mediation might be the best alternative.
Focus on your relationship with your child
Of course, there is a lot going on for you, but your children may be more confused and need more reassurance than ever during this time. Check in with them regularly, answer their questions truthfully (without too much detail) and be there for them emotionally.
Think about your child's future when making decisions
It may be tempting to want to take everything from your spouse out of spite, but that will only end up hurting your child in the long run. If you have to make tough decisions, like selling the family home, try to do what's best for your child's future. That may mean keeping them in the same school district or close to their grandparents.
Don't use your child as a messenger
It would be best if you did not use your child as a pawn in this process. Do not put them in the middle of your divorce by using them to relay messages or as a way to get back at your spouse. Not only is this unfair to your child, but it will also damage your relationship with them.
Child-centered divorces aren't always easy, but they are definitely possible. With some cooperation and communication from both parents, a healthy and happy future for your child is attainable.]]>On Behalf of Janet L. Goehle, Attorney at Lawhttps://www.goehlelaw.com/?p=478002022-08-03T01:14:14Z2022-08-03T01:14:14ZCommunicate openly
Talk about your proposed parenting plan together. You'll need to be on the same page about things like custody arrangements, visitation schedules and holiday plans. If you can't come to an agreement, the court may have to get involved.
Decide where the kids will live
Figure out where the kids will live. If you and the other parent are on good terms, you may be able to come to an agreement about who will have primary custody. If you’re not on good terms, you may need to go through the court system to determine custody arrangements. It’s important to keep in mind that there isn’t just one “right” way to split up time with your children after a divorce. You can create any type of schedule that works best for both parties involved, but it should also work well with the child’s needs. For example, a 3-year-old might want at least one meal with each parent every day while an 8-year-old might only want visitation on weekends.
Be flexible with your arrangement when negotiating
Be flexible and consider both parents' work schedules, child care availability and the child’s extracurricular activities when creating the schedule. Having regular communication about the schedule and any changes that need to be made shows that you respect each other's time and input.
Leave details open
It's important to leave some details of your parenting plan open so that you can be flexible and adapt as your child grows. You'll also want to consider the logistics of your arrangement, such as where your child will spend holidays and weekends. Keep in mind that your parenting plan should be based on what's best for your child.]]>On Behalf of Janet L. Goehle, Attorney at Lawhttps://www.goehlelaw.com/?p=476432022-05-17T20:40:06Z2022-05-05T20:39:07ZWhat is divorce mediation?
Divorce mediation is one of the alternative means for ending a marriage. Instead of going through a traditional court proceeding, you and your spouse meet with a neutral third party to resolve any issues pertaining to your situation. Mediation often takes place in an office setting.
Can all couples seek divorce mediation?
Although divorce mediation is a good way to end your marriage, it’s not for everyone. You and your spouse both need to be open to working together and negotiating to settle things. Spouses who are unwilling to compromise or those who have a history of domestic violence or abuse are more suited for traditional divorce.
What are the benefits of divorce mediation?
If you and your spouse are willing to work together to get your divorce and negotiate on issues of concern, you can both benefit from divorce mediation. If you have minor children, the process can be better for them as you can protect them. Everything is kept private and confidential. Nothing that occurs in mediation goes on public record.
Divorce mediation is much cheaper than a traditional divorce, and it can also be a much faster process. If you have questions or concerns during mediation, you can still get legal advice and have everything addressed. The mediator can also help you to work through any issues that need to be focused on.
Perhaps the best benefit of the divorce mediation process is that it gives you more control and freedom over what happens. You don’t have to wait for a judge to decide on matters such as alimony, child support or visitation. Instead, you and your spouse work together to find the best solution for everyone. When you do so, you’re more likely to reach a satisfying settlement.]]>On Behalf of Janet L. Goehle, Attorney at Lawhttps://www.goehlelaw.com/?p=476402022-02-05T09:54:14Z2022-02-05T09:54:14ZWhat is a child-centered divorce?
A child-centered divorce is one in which you put the children’s needs first. This means that the parents work together to make decisions that are in the best interests of their children. Remember that children who witness their parents working together through the divorce process are more likely to have successful relationships in their own lives, and they’re also less likely to develop behavioral or emotional problems.
How can you make your divorce child-centered?
There are a few things you can do to make your divorce more child-centered. First, try to keep the lines of communication open with your ex-spouse. This will be important not only during the divorce process but also after it’s finalized.
You should also ensure that you're honest with your children about what’s going on. Children often worry about how their parents will support them, so be sure to reassure your children that you’ll both be there for them even though you won't live together as a family anymore.
If there's an option of resolving your issues out of court, it’s best to pursue this option. It may allow you greater control over the outcome of your divorce and may also be less stressful for your children. If you choose to take this path, keep in mind that mediation is often a good choice because it allows both parents to talk about their concerns with a neutral third party.
Lastly, don't force your children to take sides. This will only make things more complicated for them and is likely to cause resentment down the road. Instead, encourage them to have healthy relationships with both of you.
In a divorce that involves children, the most important thing parents should do is put their children first. In your case, for instance, this doesn't mean that you have to agree with everything your ex-spouse says or does, but it does mean that you need to cooperate as much as possible for the sake of your children.]]>On Behalf of Janet L. Goehle, Attorney at Lawhttps://www.goehlelaw.com/?p=476272021-10-19T14:19:27Z2021-10-19T14:19:27ZParenting time is a crucial example. Though most parents going through divorce want their kids to spend time with their ex, the spouses often do not agree how to divide parenting time, at least at first. Each of them might feel that the kids would be better off living with them most of the time. Often, both sides have good cases for having primary custody.
Minnesota's child custody law and dispute process
Minnesota's child custody law begins with the presumption that each parent is entitled to custody of the kids at least 25 percent of the time. When the parents cannot work out how the divide the other 50 percent of parenting time, and alternative dispute resolution techniques like mediation cannot help, the judge steps in. They consider 12 factors laid out in the law to decide the parenting plan order. Each parent presents evidence to support their preferred arrangement.
Unfair to dads?
But some parents and activists in Minnesota and across the country say the system is not even-handed. Many of them believe that courts favor mothers in child custody disputes. They are calling for a change to the law that would presume the parents will share parenting time 50-50 unless one or both of them provide evidence that this would not be in the best interests of the children.
This debate has been going on for a while in Minnesota. A bill to create a joint custody presumption failed to pass the House in 2019. And it is likely to continue. Fortunately, most unmarried or divorcing parents find a way to compromise and work out a solution out of court with their attorneys' help.]]>