What is an adverse childhood experience (ACE)?

Growing up isn’t easy. Children spend hours in school and have minimal control over their daily lives. They are dependent on adults for most of their needs, which means that some children don’t have their needs met consistently.

They also experience a variety of challenging circumstances due to the decisions of others in their lives. In some cases, children may have adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) that can change the course of their lives. Research has connected significant and multiple ACEs with increased medical and mental health challenges later in life.

What do parents need to know about ACEs?

A divorce is one of the most common ACEs

Parents help give children a sense of self and provide them with stability. It is common for children to have a profound attachment to their parents until they become teenagers and begin separating themselves mentally and socially from their parents in preparation for adulthood.

If parents make choices that destabilize the home environment, their decisions can have a lasting impact on how secure the children feel. Parental divorce is one of the most common ACEs. Children who witness their parents fighting regularly, who feel like they must choose between their parents and who experience a significant decline in their overall quality of living are among those who may have the hardest time adapting to changing family circumstances.

How can parents help?

Research has made it very clear that choosing to stay together for the children isn’t necessarily the best option. Especially as children mature, they are often acutely aware of the tensions within their families. If parents recognize that their marital circumstances are unsustainable, they can work cooperatively to reduce the negative impact that a divorce causes for their children.

Divorce mediation can be particularly helpful for parents who want to shield their children from conflict, create customized custody arrangements and take the pressure off of their children to testify or pick a side in the divorce. Parents who are aware of the long-term harm that divorce could generate are in a position to mitigate some of that damage.

Being compassionate and also cooperative while negotiating child custody matters can help parents limit how hard their divorce is on their children. Divorce is often an ACE for the children in a family, but parents can reduce the harm caused with the right approach to the process.